My eventful French "Trip"

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knapdog
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Rides:: '83 C70-C , '95 C90 e/s, '11 CB1300, '08 NT700
Location: Barry, Vale of Glamorgan, Wales

My eventful French "Trip"

Post by knapdog » Sat Jun 24, 2017 8:46 am

Last Friday I informed Mrs Knapdog that I'd spent the last five minutes on my phone booking an eight day trip to the twisties of The Vosges in France and I was going the next day.
Things weren't going to be that simple....
Set off at 17.30 last Saturday for the evening sail from Portsmouth to Caen.
On the motorway the satnav wasn't recharging. Stopped in services to find one of the connections to battery had come off. (The battery also had an Optimate battery lead with usb attached and the heated grips leads)
Got on the ferry with bike looking tidy:

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Next morning I'm third vehicle off the ferry but when I got to Passport Control I'd left my passport in the cabin. So after a long wait I'm last to leave the port.
Alphonse retrieves the passport with the policeman from "Allo Allo" stinding behoond him:

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After a few merci's I head on my way to find I couldn't get out of the port. As Bonny Tyler sang, "I was locked in France" !!!!!

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Soon discovered, once back on the rue, that I'd no France download on the Garmin. FFS, I'm heading towards the Swiss border with only a large paper map of the whole of France and I've got to get the other side of Paris by the end of the day.
30 km outside Paris, after stopping for petrol, the battery was as flat as a crepe.
No luck with a jump start so phoned my Breakdown service who couldn't attend because I was on a motorway!

Phoned 112 and got through to the bloody fire brigade. Anyway, eventually help arrived in the firm of a French/Portuguese mechanic with Tourette's.
He charged the bike for 15 mins and fleeced me for €185. (I can reclaim it).
I faffed around a bit after he'd gone, tried to restart and it's flat again though this time I was lucky to have a successful push start from a fellow biker.

After missing numerous exits I ended up by the banks of The Seine next to the Eiffel Tower. 40 mins later, I'm back on the autoroute but going completely in the wrong direction and heading SW to Chartres instead of SE to Troyes.
Found a hotel but couldn't get my luggage off as I'd left the bloody key to the cable lick vack in my garage in Barrybados! The porter eventually appeared with a hacksaw and cut it off.

Next day, after filling up with petrol on my way to Auxerre I slipped on a diesel spill with myself and Honda kissing the tarmac.

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Result? Hardly anything apart from a scrape
on the topbox AND a snapped clutch lever!
Stopped at a garage 10km later and a friendly mechanic fixed it:

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Arriving in Auxerre I booked four days in the Vosges in a hotel for £293 only to find that 30 mins later I turned on the tv to find there were going to be torrential thunderstorms there for four days!
That was it. I threaded my way home!!!!
But I still had sone superb riding!

Some brilliant Rolls Royces in the ferry port who had been on a rally.
This 1963 Silver Cloud looks as if it's doing 90mph even when it's standing still!

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Bogger
Maintenance Stasi
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Re: My eventful French "Trip"

Post by Bogger » Sat Jun 24, 2017 9:24 am

***k me Knapdog. Remind me to never ever to go on a ride with you, ever. By the second day there would be some freshly dug earth in a layby somewhere quiet with a shonky old bike pushed down a nearby embankment and me riding away with a smug evil look on my face.

Bogger...Talk about p**s poor planning and execution :lol: :lol: :lol:

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bikerbaker
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Rides:: 1990 C90, 1986 C90, 2016 Kayak 110, K1&K6 SV650S, BMW F800 GT, Buell XB12R
Location: Rochford Essex

Re: My eventful French "Trip"

Post by bikerbaker » Sat Jun 24, 2017 9:30 am

A sad tale indeed but at least you returned unscathed!

A few years ago I loaded the SV and rode down to Niort to meet my son (and future daugther in law for the first time) who were staying with his Step Gran who had been widowed a few years before.

As it was hot I removed my jacket liner only to ride through a hailstorm - which hurt a lot and left me with bruises!
Got my pocket picked at my first fuel stop and lost all my Euros.
Found all of the roads within 10 miles of my destination had been freshly gravelled which cracked the fairing in a couple of places and was very hard to stay upright on.
Arrived a bit late, met son, his girlfriend, his Step Gran and her new partner. Decided her partner was a complete tosspot and returned next day.
Got to Calais to find I had booked the return from Ostend!

Know what you mean re the diesel patches around French fuel pumps, they all have them. Getting like this now in the UK too!

Welcome home. :D

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billyfix
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Rides:: c90 6v classic, c90 cub economy, Triumph Bonneville T120. mk 2 Honda cbf1000 FA
Location: south wales coast

Re: My eventful French "Trip"

Post by billyfix » Sat Jun 24, 2017 9:38 am

As they say in France "MERD"E happens. :lol:

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knapdog
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Rides:: '83 C70-C , '95 C90 e/s, '11 CB1300, '08 NT700
Location: Barry, Vale of Glamorgan, Wales

Re: My eventful French "Trip"

Post by knapdog » Sat Jun 24, 2017 10:13 am

AND forgot to mention that when I got home Mrs Knapdog was in work and I didn't have a key to get in to my own house.

culfy
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Re: My eventful French "Trip"

Post by culfy » Sat Jun 24, 2017 2:10 pm

Brilliant :D :D :D :D

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knapdog
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Re: My eventful French "Trip"

Post by knapdog » Mon Jun 26, 2017 3:32 pm

....And further forgot to mention that when I was in a french service station browsing my map of France, laid out on the table with a full and a half bottle of water, holding it down, I went for a quick Jimmy Riddle, returned to my table, to find the water was still there but someone had knicked my bloody map!

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bikerbaker
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Location: Rochford Essex

Re: My eventful French "Trip"

Post by bikerbaker » Mon Jun 26, 2017 4:43 pm

knapdog wrote:
Mon Jun 26, 2017 3:32 pm
....And further forgot to mention that when I was in a french service station browsing my map of France, laid out on the table with a full and a half bottle of water, holding it down, I went for a quick Jimmy Riddle, returned to my table, to find the water was still there but someone had knicked my bloody map!
Probably the same gang that picked my pocket. French Gippos target foreigners at service stations. Your map is probably listed on L'eBay by now. :D

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knapdog
Posts: 3664
Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2012 12:51 pm
Rides:: '83 C70-C , '95 C90 e/s, '11 CB1300, '08 NT700
Location: Barry, Vale of Glamorgan, Wales

Re: My eventful French "Trip"

Post by knapdog » Mon Jun 26, 2017 6:41 pm

L'ebay !!! :lol:
L'ove it !!! :lol:

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Newtsalad
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Re: My eventful French "Trip"

Post by Newtsalad » Tue Jun 27, 2017 6:17 pm

Oh Man! :lol: :lol: :lol:

I'm glad I'm not the only silly old duffer on here! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Thanks for sharing, put a smile on me boat! :D

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